A day with OCD

Hi Liam,

Source: here.

It's time to leave the bed, well almost. I know you want to leave now but it's only 8.06 and you know you can't leave until 8.10, we've been through this. Ignore your hunger, you can eat soon. In the meantime, let's plan your day: eat at 8.10, shower at 8.40, leave the house at 9.15, lunch with friend at 12, get back home at 3, blog at 3.15, cook at 5.15 and sleep at 9. Anything else? No okay, you can leave the bed now. Make sure to wash your hands first, PROPERLY. I want under those nails done; the palms; wrists; in between fingers; back of hands, the whole lot and a good 30 seconds on this. I'm being easy on you, we used to do this for much longer until you were sore so be grateful.

Now get a bowl from the cupboard for your cereal and wash it plus the spoon from the draw. Same drill, wash the sides, the top and the back until I'm happy. Yes they've been washed already but I have standards and you can't be too careful about all that bacteria. Good thing we have the antibacterial washing up liquid. Heck maybe you should wash your hands again since we're speaking about bacteria. All done? Let's have a shower then. You know what I'm going to say to do, scrub every inch of that body! I don't care how long it takes. Maybe exfoliate your skin too as it is so uneven I don't like it. Scrub it until your red and sore because then I know for sure you've scrubbed properly.

Okay it's time to leave the house so put on your shoes. No you did it wrong, start again. And again... Liam you know what I want; a straight lace, no folds or twists, come on you're driving me crazy. That's better, okay let's leave the house before it turns to 9.16 because you know how I hate the number 6. Right lock the door. Now double check you've locked it. And again. Are you sure you've locked it? Go back again. Maybe you didn't, really slam the handle down this time to make sure it's locked. And again. Okay one more time. Maybe a second time. Third time. Okay it's locked. Now we're outside make sure to jump over the road markings and drains because you know how much they scare me. Oh and that big crack there! Phew. You might die if you step on them so as much of an idiot you look like jumping over them I'm saving your life really. You're welcome.

Oh it's time to meet your friend. Where is she? Oh there she is, let's walk with her. No not there, walk on the outside of the pavement. Why? Well if you're on the inside of the pavement you might push her into the road and kill her. Don't call me dramatic, you might do it. You hear about people doing things like this all the time so I can't trust you to be on the inside of the pavement. Okay maybe pick up the pace as it's almost lunch time and I want to make it for 12. I'm getting anxious that we won't make it. Oh there's the restaurant, never mind. That was cutting it fine. Now let's find a good seat. I like that one, go get it. Yeah I like this. Wait is that a mark on the table? Let's get this cleaned asap and straighten that cutlery Liam. No straighter than that. That's better.  Wow it's busy in here, let's count everyone that's around. 1, 4, 7, 9, 12, 15, 20. Wait why did you just look at that woman? Don't tell me it was nothing. They say rapists look at women. Maybe you're a rapist. Yes you are. You sicken me. Don't tell me you're not I watch the news, I know what they look like. They look like you. Let's go home, I can't be dealing with this.

Thank God we're home, you've been stressing me today. Let's look in the mirror. You look strange. Why isn't your body proportionate like everyone else's? Your nose shouldn't have that bump. And your right shoulder looks broader than the left. And the skin on your right cheek is redder than on the left. Why is so much of you disproportionate? You're going to give me a panic attack. Okay 10 minutes is enough looking.

Bed time, finally. Now that we're in bed I feel itchy, especially the right knee. Scratch it. Maybe you should scratch your left knee too since you scratched your right knee, just for symmetrical reasons. Obviously. Did you just scratch 3 times? Make it 4, I expect even numbers, Liam. Shall we check out the social media? Let's go through every news feed until we've seen everything already. Sure that's going to take a while but we need to see everything. Every story, every status, every photo, every update.

Okay let's sleep.......................actually I'm bored of sleeping, let's think. Remember that woman you looked at for a whole second earlier? You disgust me, you should be ashamed. Let's think about this until you fall asleep because I'm worried about you. Make sure you get exactly 8 hours sleep tonight though Liam, no more, no less.

Liam

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Like this? You might also like:
Six things no one tells you about depression

Growing up Gay: My Story Part 2

Coming out of the closet: the task every gay man and woman has to go through at some point in their lives. I am no exception to this rule, but it sure took me a long time to do it. As you read in Part 1 here, I bottled up my feelings about my sexuality for a long time so you can probably guess I didn't find coming out an easy task to do. Here's how it went down.

So throughout secondary school I bottled everything up and tried to forget I was a gay man, but it was in college when this changed. Being surrounded by other likeminded gay men and women opened me up to a new world and gave me a sort of comfort. It reminded me of who I was and I couldn't pretend anymore. Sure it took me a few weeks, even months before I was comfortable enough to say to myself "I'm Liam Havard and I'm gay" but I got there in the end. If it wasn't for going to college I don't think I would have found the confidence to admit this to myself. Being around new open minded and unique people with similar sexualities changed me for the better. I was more comfortable with who I was which goes to show I needed was to be around other LGBT people to make me feel more like myself. But it's not all black and white; yes I felt a lot better, heck even normal but I can't say for 100% that I loved myself like I should have. I still pondered upon the idea that I was different and not the norm and that didn't sit well with me. I've never enjoyed being different but it's who I was and am, but being around like-minded people made me feel that little bit better. I think I'll always feel different but time heals all.

But back to how I came out. It all started from hearing the college gossip every few weeks about how other people came out of the closet when I thought to myself, that could be me one day. I listened to all of the stories specifically focusing on how these people did it and how good they felt after coming out, it was like I was taking notes for when I did my huge show stopper. I didn't plan when I was going to do it, but hearing these stories gave me some confidence. I knew I wanted to come out to friends first though. My thought process was friends come and go so if they didn't like who I was I could make new friends, but family - well you've only got one lot of them. It still would have sucked to lose friends though.

So it was at the end of college over 6 years ago when I plucked up the courage to tell my friends or at least my best friend, Lisa. I called her over one day at one of the common rooms. I was panicking with my heart racing and my hands getting clammy. After a few deep breaths...I hesitated and kept saying to her "Oh nothing. It's nothing" trying to distract myself from the topic. That was until she just said, "Tell me" and then I blurted it out. The pause before she said anything after what I told her was the longest pause in the world, but it turned out she was happy and couldn't have been prouder. Nor could I. I finally did it, I told someone my deep dark secret and it was like a weight instantly dropped off my shoulders. All that fear I had was let go of because my friend was there for me. It was a surreal moment, who would have thought I would ever have the confidence to not only admit this sexuality to myself but to my friends? It was the scariest and most empowering thing I have ever done. Lisa was there for me and it was the greatest feeling and as for everyone else, I told them individually in a similar way over coming days and weeks and they were just as accepting. But this was just a stepping stone, a rehearsal perhaps for when I came out to my family.

My mum was the person I was most scared of telling. I guess that's common for every LGBT person, after all it's your parent you don't want to lose them. I'm especially close to my mum, yes a momma's boy you could say which is why it was more intimidating. I wanted her support and blessing, but all I thought was am I going to get it? So here's how it went.

It was very spontaneous. I used to say everyday I would tell her until one day I FINALLY meant it and did it. I just woke up one day and felt ready. It was around 4-5 years ago when I told her. It may not be a surprise to know I was on Google all day searching for how to do it though. Literally all day. So after gathering my information from online, I got myself ready for the big evening whilst she was in work. I did this two years after telling my friends as I needed to find a whole lot of courage. Two years of preparation done I heard my mum's car pull up outside as she arrived back home as I laid in my bedroom. That's when my heart started pumping and yes, the clammy hands returned with vengeance. I went downstairs from my bedroom where I was prepping to make her a cup of tea. As she walked into the house she knew something was up because I never make her cups of tea (bad child) so her first sentence was "What's wrong?" and I replied with "Nothing". So we went to sit in the living room together to watch the soaps, her favourite pastime and sat in complete silence. Yes that's right, I said nothing for a t-total of three hours even though she tried speaking to me at times. I had zero courage to tell her and I didn't know what to do. I prepped myself for this I should have known how to do it, but the words just wouldn't come out. She knew something was up because normally I would be moaning about her shit choice of TV.

During these torturous three hours I was texting my friend Lisa who I mentioned earlier in this post, asking her for advice on how to do it and she helped out. She gave me some confidence but it wasn't enough so in the end I asked her to pick me up in her car. This was for two reasons: 1. I was stressed and needed to get out of the house, and 2. She was my getaway car ride in case I told my mum the truth and she didn't like it. Lisa was happy to pick me up, so when she arrived I knew I had to go straight away because the silence between my mum and I was killing me, but as I left my mum to go to the car I hesitated. Why? Because I really wanted to tell her. Heart pumping I finally opened my mouth and said "I needed to speak to you Mum but I've got to go. I really had something to say but don't worry". She immediately got up from the sofa and ran to me as I walked to the front door and said "What? What is it? You're worrying me, tell me". I kept hesitating and could only get the word "I'm" out of my mouth. Thankfully she worked out what I was going to say so outright asked if I was gay crying her eyes out I replied with, yes. I finally admitted it, I went into a state of shock. At this point I probably should have stayed with my mother and talked everything out but Lisa was already outside my house with her car. So instead I ditched my mother so I didn't have to deal with the awkwardness. Awkward why? Well she was crying out of shock for what I told her, not because she didn't love me even though that's what I originally thought. Even though I left my mum, we were both happy we got that out in the open.

All the top questions Google told me my mum would ask were spot on. It's quite funny thinking back how accurate this was:

• Did I do something wrong?
• Are you sure this isn't a phase?
• Are you sure you're gay?
• Why didn't you tell me sooner?

As for the rest of my family, my mum told my brother who was happy to know and my sister told me that she already knew. Everyone was loving and accepting of me especially my brother who hugged me and said "You can love anyone you want and I wouldn't mind. You could even love an animal and I wouldn't care...oh wait that's weird" but that goes to show he loves me! As for my non immediate family, I've only told my cousin who I live with but I wouldn't lie to my other family if they asked me or if it came up in conversation.

After all of these shenanigans, uni came and I wasn't afraid anymore. I was gay and I was there to stay. If people asked me about my sexuality I would open up about it or if they asked me the kind of girl I liked, I would tell them the truth that I was attracted to men. I had such great support from everybody including some of my friends like Reen, Emma, Saskia and Josie. I was no longer afraid and I was happier with who I was.

So coming out really changed me for the better and gave me the confidence to own who I am. Sure it took me a while to get there, but I did it and it's probably the proudest moment of my life. Cringe? In all honesty I'm quite surprised nobody worked it out when I was a kid since all I did was choreographed dances of Britney Spears music videos #werk. I've come a long way from that insecure unhappy boy to now a very open man who owns his sexuality. I can't lie and say I'm 100% comfortable with it just yet but now I accept it and that's a start to being more comfortable. I strongly believe that anyone who is thinking of coming out should do it because you'll be surprised at the amount of support you'll get, but do it when you feel 100% ready. I'm so grateful for all the love and support I've had from my family and friends and wish the LGBT community had the same.

Do you have any coming out stories? Let me know in the comments below!

Liam

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Related links:

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/lgbtq-mental-health/

https://lgbt.foundation

http://www.stonewall.org.uk

Growing up Gay: My Story Part 1

Girls, the species I know a lot about and also know nothing about. I've spent my entire life around them but they've never been anything more than just friends and that's because I identify as gay. I've learned to become more comfortable with this sexuality of mine but it's not always been that way as most of my life I've been confused and conflicted. But I've now come to accept who I am which is massive progress compared to where I was before. Here I share my story with you.

The first question I'm assuming you've got is if I've always known. But there's not a straightforward answer for that because on one hand yes I've always been gay, however I haven't always known it as I was confused about this sexuality for a long time. It was foreign and strange to me. It was in my childhood years when I first felt different (around 6/7 years old) like something about me didn't fit in with the norm; like my behaviour and thoughts were odd. I was seeing and thinking about boys in a new way that I didn't really understand. But it wasn't that I was attracted to them in a lustful way, instead it was that something about them interested me. Their behaviour and the way they acted; the way they looked and their facial expressions; the way they spoke. Every little thing they did intrigued me in ways girls couldn't. And this is how it began. I started to just watch them, study them, work them out. I saw them on TV, in school, in the street. I didn't know why they interested me, in fact I assumed I had an illness because this 'interest' wasn't normal, or so I thought. Boys were everywhere and I couldn't get enough of them but as these feelings and thoughts got more intense, I got more confused.

As I grew from a young boy and went into full time primary education I saw things a little differently. Why did I think this way? Did other boys think like this? Was this just a phase? I asked myself these questions daily whilst in primary education (around 8 - 12 years old) from the moment I woke up. Being gay turned me into quite a serious child because it drove my anxiety about who I was insane and I didn't know what to do, I felt helpless. I was going through an identity crisis. These were intense thoughts for a young child to have so in a way it took my childhood from me as I forgot to have fun. This went on for more than a little while though as these thoughts travelled with me all the way throughout primary school and into secondary school.

It was in secondary school around the age of 14 when I first realised that these thoughts and feelings weren't planning on going anywhere soon, so it was time to do some research. I got a lot of use out of Google during this time as I searched for what I was, who I was and how I could change. Google allowed me to discover that I was in fact homosexual but that didn't mean I accepted it. Yes the it taught me who I was but it was so conflicting as it's not who I wanted to be. I pictured myself having a family and growing old with a woman next to my side and not a man, I wanted a traditional family and because I couldn't have one I self sabotaged. I cried quite a lot as I came to accept who I was because I didn't feel like I should be gay - like God picked the wrong person to make gay. I asked myself why me, why would God do such a mean thing? I asked myself through the entirety of secondary school.

As the panic set in, I knew I needed to seek help and answers - no, not from a counsellor or family or friends, but again Google. My most common searches were "Gay to straight conversion" and "Am I going to hell?". I was really concerned that there was no way out of this feeling of being lesser than everyone else and that I was some sort of abomination. I hated it. I searched for stories online of people being converted to straight and luckily there was, so it gave me hope. I thought, I, Liam Havard could be straight - what a wonderful feeling that was to know I could be like everybody else. Sadly for me the conversion cost a lot of money though and as nobody knew I was gay I couldn't ask for money so of course the depressed thoughts kicked in. I didn't know what to do; the cure was so close but so far. I couldn't live like this.

The religious side of things sure made things even worse though. Everything I read online about gay people read "Faggots are disgusting", "Gays are abominations" and "Gay people are going to hell" all written by religious activists. How could I feel good about myself after reading this? The internet was the worst place for a depressed insecure homosexual boy because these religious statements were taunting. Of course not all religions did this, it was mainly Christianity which was a shame because I saw myself as Christian. Reading these statements haunted me; in the nights I prayed to God to save my soul and begged him not to send me to the fiery pits of hell. I asked for repentance and for God to make me straight. I did this most nights all the way from 14 up until 18 and you know what I still do it sometimes now. All I can say is screw the internet for making me feel that way.

So what could I do, like really what could I do? Absolutely nothing. God wouldn't help me, the school kids mocked gay people, I hated myself and there was no one to help because I wouldn't talk to anyone. I didn't want to accept it and I didn't want to be made fun of, so what was the answer? Ask for help? Gosh no. End the pain? Yes. So one night during secondary school I ran a bath, dunked my head and body under and tried to drown myself. Sure I only ended up staying under water for about 10 seconds but to me this was a very real way to end the pain and although it didn't work, you get an idea of how difficult I was finding things. The disappointment I felt after not going through with it was indescribable and so I self sabotaged by making myself feel bad about it. "You're weak Liam".

School was hard. I couldn't speak to anybody and I couldn't accept who I was. It was a very lonely time for me. The only thing I could think to do was burying it all deep inside, acting like I fancied girls and playing straight. Honestly thinking back I didn't play the straight role very well, but it was the only thing I could try to do. I had girlfriends and tried to convince myself I could be straight, of course it didn't work but I kept going. With it all buried inside, I came to forget about who I was

So who's to blame for me feeling so low; my anxiety and low self esteem or is the culprit, SOCIETY for making me feel this way? I write about my coming out story in part 2, keep your eyes peeled!

Liam

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Part 2: here.

What makes me happy on #InternationalDayOfHappiness

Since today is #InternationalDayOfHappiness I couldn't miss the opportunity to share what makes Liam happy.

Source: here.

1. Good vegan food
Harry Potter thought the horcruxes were difficult to find, but I promise you finding good vegan food is 100x harder. It's not easy to come by so whenever I manage to find some I jump for joy, sometimes literally because it can be pretty challenging. However, it's usually worth the task. I'm thankful that there is good vegan food out there because when I find it there is a whole lot of smiling and just a dash of drool.                          

2. Plants
Also known as my second family, I spend a lot of time with my plants. We've been together for about 5 years and we've had a whole lot of fun. From giving them water and shelter each day I find that I'm a little happier. We're a big family, with over 10 cacti; 3 succulents; 1 money plant; 1 bamboo plant; and a bonsai tree. They're all so pretty and they keep me alive. I'm happy to wake up with them every morning and go to bed with them each night.

3. Netflix & chill

To me, Netflix & chill is just that. It is when I can be at home snuggled in duvetland watching the best and worst shows out there and doing nothing else. I am obsessed with binge watching TV because it makes me so bloody happy. It's the perfect form of voyeurism and vicarious pleasure. I lust over Netflix, anyone else?

4. Baths

I love baths with all my heart. They relax me and help me find my zen and that's all I ever want to do. Sure baths may not be 'manly' but here's to screwing gender norms and having bubble baths with bath oils everyday!

5. Friends and family
Cliche I know, everyone says this one but isn't it good to be thankful for friends and family? Cheddar cheesiness aside I am extremely grateful for the people in my life to the point that they don't even realise. They have all taken me from really low lows to really high highs. If you haven't got friends and family, nothing else matters. I'm thankful for them putting up with me and putting a smile on my face everyday. Oh gosh we've gone into blue cheese territory, apologies... But really the people in my life make me super happy, probably more than food does.

And that's what makes me real happy. So onto you; what makes you happy?

Liam

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What I miss about uni

2 years ago I was on the rollercoaster that is university. 3 years of hard work and play (mostly the latter) when I studied BA Journalism, Media and Cultural Studies at Cardiff University. It was a great time and there's so much I miss about it (I'm not just talking the student discount).

Is it the revision? Probably not. Maybe the early classes? Um no. How about the really tight budget? Still no. Okay let's be real, what I miss is all the learning. University itself taught me invaluable things like how to budget; it gave me structure and routine; it taught me incredible information about the world of media and culture, and so much more. There is no doubt university is more than just class. Investing yourself into a new lifestyle; the student lifestyle is an experience like no other and I'm grateful for what I experienced and learnt. If it wasn't for university, I wouldn't know how to pay my bills right now. If it wasn't for university, I wouldn't have the social skills I do now. If it wasn't for university, I wouldn't know how to cook. If it wasn't for university, I wouldn't know what interests me. If it wasn't for university, I would have missed out on so much. What I'm getting at is university taught me so much and it shaped me and now I don't have anything to mould me like university did and that's what I miss.

But that's not all. Moving away to a foreign city all on my own like other students alike was terrifying but if I didn't do that I wouldn't have made the friends that I still have today. Sure, I was completely out  of my comfort zone but being on unfamiliar soil allowed me to make friends with an emo girl; a farmer; a whole lot of brummies; singers; bloggers; writers; dancers; English people; Indian people; African people; American people and so many others. It's rather exciting thinking how many different people I met, because that's something that doesn't happen for everyone. I was lucky and I'm grateful for the opportunity to have been immersed into student life also known as the 'meet hundreds of different people' life. I meet different people today but not to the extent university offers and that's what I miss.

Shout out to my course mates.

Shout out to my house mates Reen, Saskia and Emma.

Not only do I miss the learning and friends (yes he misses more), I miss knowing what I'm doing. I've always struggled to find my place in society as I'm so indecisive but university was my break; I could say I was a student and that was that. Now when people ask what I'm doing, I don't have such an exciting answer as I'm trying to figure that out. University was my distraction from figuring things out as it made me think I had things sorted...not so much. It gave me purpose and that's what I miss.

But that's enough of me being nostalgic. It's funny how 5 years flies by like that. From student with a vodka in his hand to now being on a career break. Who knows what will happen now?!

Tell me what you miss about university below.

Liam

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Medication gratitude

Source: here.

Mental illness isn't always the easiest of illnesses to treat. Many of us depend on medication to help ease the symptoms and control how we feel. However, not everyone can afford treatment or are lucky enough to live in an area that offers medication. I'm extremely lucky to live in a place that offers it and am very grateful for it. It's helped me in a way no other treatment has. I take a range of medication daily to help me in my life long battle against several anxiety disorders; OCD; depression; a dissociative disorder and, mood imbalance. But why am I so lucky to be given the opportunity to take medication? Here I list everything it does for me and what psychiatric medication can do for other people.

Without medication, I wouldn't:

• Know the difference between rational and irrational thoughts
• Know what's real and what's not
• Have any control over my mood
• Have any confidence
• Have any energy
• Have any motivation
• Have an appetite
• Have control over my urges
• Have control of my physical symptoms of mental illness
• Have control over urges to harm myself
• Have hope
• Be able to leave the house
• Be able to socialise
• Be free of stress
• Be able to slow down my thoughts
• Be able to control my obsessive compulsions
• Be able to think clearly
• Be safe
• Feel comfortable in my own skin

Whilst there is a lot of stigma towards psychiatric medication, I can without a doubt say how grateful for it. Sure it isn't always nice; you can get flu like symptoms from it and missing a dose can be brutal on your body, but the pros really outweigh the cons for me. As for those that don't agree with it, ask yourself why would you tell a diabetic to take their medications and not someone with a mental illness? Is that not prejudice? Medication isn't a simple solution and can improve a person's wellbeing such as myself. I couldn't possibly list everything it does for me, but this post was just to give an idea of what it can do for someone in need.

How does medication help you?

 Liam

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Liam 2.0

I'm happy to say I have a new blog theme and it's all thanks to Pipdig. We'll call this the Liam 2.0 upgrade. I've been meaning to shake things up with my blog and I've finally done it and I couldn't be happier.

I was happy with my previous blog layout but being terrible at html and coding I could only take it so far. This was troublesome considering I wanted more, so I'm lucky a site like Pipdig exists to help a poor boy like me out. All I can say is RIP old blog layout and hello new sexy theme!

The page is now easier to navigate and that's what I wanted more than anything . I had you all in mind when creating the page with Pipdig. The categories and label menu is now a lot clearer and should you be after a certain topic, it's that little bit easier to find. Along with this I updated my 'recent posts' and 'popular posts' so they're now at the top of the page rather than on the sides. It makes things flow a little nicer and again makes things easier to navigate. The layout is a lot more spacious so items aren't all cramped together and in your face which I think happened in my previous layout. The new layout is a lot easier on the eye.

As for colour, I went with black and white because damn gurl that's just sexy. Plus, it makes the page magazine-esque which is totally great!  I especially like the black and white social media icons on the page. They look totally kawaii.

My blog layout is always a working progress but at the moment I can say I'm really happy with it. A massive thank you to Pipdig who gave me the fancy coding to get it like this (for a great price too)!

What do you think of the upgrade?

 Liam

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*Not a sponsored post

2017 Goals

A New Year is all about making resolutions and then not following through on them, right? #NewYearNewMe (couldn't stop myself).... Well how about making goals; as in objectives to work towards? If you're working towards something, you're allowing yourself to have some slip ups in comparison to making resolutions which aim to stop a habit immediately. I'm trying this new mindset in an attempt to create exciting changes for my life in 2017.

Goals:

• To focus on diet change by getting in more nutrition through meal prepping and education - but allowing myself some junk if I really want it. Moderation > Limitation.
• To work towards a more athletic and fitter body (cliche I know), but not beat myself up if I miss a few days in the gym.
• To improve my mental health through hobbies and meditation over the next 12 months
• Save realistically. Rather than aim for an exact number to put in the bank every month, deposit how much I want to depending on goals at the time.

I love to monitor my goals, so will be doing weekly and monthly checks on how I'm progressing because if we don't monitor ourselves then aren't we just making empty promises? 

I use a bullet journal to keep track of things (keep an eye out for a post on bullet journals because organisation is L I F E #OCDProblems) so will be using one for the purpose of my 2017 goals.

What are your goals for this new year?

Liam
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Catchup time. Where have I been? MIA. *Update*

I'd like to answer that question by saying I've been sipping mocktails on the white sandy beaches of Barbados, or that I've been travelling Western Europe (total Friends reference).  I'd like to answer that question with some sort of interesting story of where I've been, but sadly I've just been ill.  I'm not talking the normal kind though; I'm talking like really ill as in really really REALLY ill. Worse than man flu kind of ill. Yeah, that extreme (I hope one of you is playing a tiny violin at this story). It was all because of some new medication I was put on by my doctor, but thankfully my body has regained its strength back (about time). Liam 1 Meds 0.

I'm relieved to be back in action; it got me down that I couldn't devote time to my blog. Being offline for so long means I've got lots to write about; my hands are aching to create post, so stay tuned.

Bed rest was made 10 times better in my astronaut jumper!

Liam
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Hello World *First Post*

Hey World, I'm Liam. Welcome to Liam J Havard.  This is a new outlet for me to discuss ideas and keep you all updated on the life of Liam, and I'm very excited about that. I'm not new to blogging, but I certainly haven't done this thing in a long time. Excuse me if I'm rusty. I've been wanting to blog again for so long, but I've become a bit too comfortable in binge watching Netflix on my evenings.  I can't be the only person guilty of that though, right? So for my first post, I thought I would tell you a bit about myself. Now go get a cup of tea and we'll get to it.

Me.

So I'm a 23 year old male from Wales, UK and a trainee assistant store manager. I enjoy what I do, but it's probably not what I aim to do forever. Retail can sometimes be a bit soul destroying especially when you have customers shouting at you for little things like, being too energetic, or something in the store not being up to their standards...hmmm #RetailProblems.  Although it's a fun and challenging place where I work, I think my passion lies in writing/the arts/the media which is actually what my background is in. I studied a BA degree in Journalism, Media and Cultural Studies (with communications) at Cardiff University and graduated from them this summer of 2016.  I passed with a 2:1, phew. It was such a good few years but damn I am glad to not be writing anymore assignments and doing 'all nighters'.

Just like in uni, I am still a night owl. I find myself up at 2am most nights, except now I don't have a glass of vodka in my hand. Most of my posts will be written in the evenings and nights as that's when my brain is functioning the best. I think uni got me into the habit of staying up late, so the thought of sleeping at 10pm every night just seems unnatural. Maybe I'm just a student 'wannabe' and that's why I stay up so late.

Here I am at graduation 2015 with the world's cheesiest smile.

As mentioned in my 'about' page, I will be writing about a whole bunch of areas, but my main focus is on travelling; food; lifestyle; opinion; Lush products, and the occasional chat about fashion. I'll publish most of my blog posts in the evenings and aim to do every 1-2 weeks. As a massive foodie, I will be sharing with you all the different places I eat at and all the different foods I make so expect lots of food posts. For those of you that eat meat and dairy, I'm afraid I will only be sharing vegan inspired recipes, but if you have an open mind you may see something that takes your fancy. I spend around £100 a week on food shopping, and that's without all the different places I eat at (this is why I'm broke 24/7) so you will have a good variety of food posts to lust over.  I'm hoping when I start my travels around the world that vegan food will be easy to find, but I'm not counting on it with dairy being in so much food - but hey, I love a challenge! Food is a big part of why I want to travel, but it's not the primary reason. I also want to see new places and experience different cultures.

I travel a little now, around the country and bits of the UK mainly, but my heart wants the world; to see it all. I aim big as you can tell #WanderlustProblems. I'm most likely going to travel late 2017 - early 2018 when I have saved up enough money. If anyone wants to fund my travels though, I'll be happy to jump on the next flight. Oh one can dream!  As a massive fan of adventure, I honestly cannot wait to go. Some places I'm looking forward to travelling around are Fiji, Vietnam, Bangkok, Thailand and Australia and I would love to see bits of South America too. Is there anywhere you would recommend going to? I think because I've been brought up in such a small country it just makes me want to see more. Wales really is a beautiful place though, so if you are ever in the UK you HAVE to come see it.

And that's a little about me and my blog, but before we wrap this all up here's some random facts about me:
- I NEVER used to listen to music. People always used to tell me about songs and artists, but up until 2013 my iTunes was free of any songs so I was clueless about the music scene. And now? Yes I listen to it, but it should never be the first conversation of choice with me as I could not keep it flowing. Your grandma would probably be better than me, seriously.
- Although I listen to music now, there isn't a single song in the world I know all the words to. HONESTLY I SWEAR. So on nights out or in the car I completely make up my own words. Having said that I do know all the words to the Pretty Little Liars theme tune, does that count for something?
- I am terrified of spiders so badly that if I see one in my room, I have to sleep with the light on for that night, just in case it invades my space. I used to get my mother to put them outside for me when I lived with her, but now that I don't live with her I have to...get my house mate to do it instead. Guilty.
- When I was a child, I was crazy. I was that grumpy evil uncontrollable child nobody really wants. I used to head-butt my mum to the point we both had bruises (sorry Mum), and once (this is the bad one) I flooded my aunt's and uncle's house on purpose. I was a devil child. Again, guilty.

And that's a wrap. If you have any questions for me, big or small let me know as I would love to answer them. Until next time everyone...

Have you got any random facts about yourself? Let me know in the comments section!

Liam
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